February 2012
1 post
2 tags
“He has 16 published novels, with themes including cancer, death, pirates, and...”
– Nicholas Sparks’s Wikipedia intro
January 2012
7 posts
1 tag
3 tags
2 tags
Nick has to do show-and-tell at school this week....
Nick: I can’t bring her because she is too special. I was thinking of my boonie cover from Iraq.
Me: Sooooo not a picture of meeeeeeee?
Nick: I think more people would be interested in the boonie cover….
Me:
December 2011
5 posts
2 tags
I CAN'T LIVE ON THIS PLANET ANYMORE. →
THESE PEOPLE ARE THE WORST.
They are having a dry reception.
I can’t even fathom being this brain washed. Good luck, kiddos. I hope God can save your vagina after shitting out kids.
“So, tell me if this is right or not. You’ve heard of FEMA trailers right?...”
– My sister. I am dead.
November 2011
3 posts
2 tags
A new movie theatre opened in town
Me: Nick! Tonight. Me. You aaaaannnddd J. Edgar. It’s a date.
Nick:
I am really annoyed about this whole Christmas vs....
Christmas is about Santa, cookies, and doing whatever you can to get as many presents as possible. It has nothing to do with a Jewish carpenter who wasn’t born in December.
Lock it up.
insert hilarious bitchy face gif here
My Sitcom Life: Episode 1
annajeanius:
Yesterday, I:
- Tried at 11am to eat lunch at a restaurant that does not open until 11:30.
- Had to go to the head of the IT Department to explain that I broke my company-issued laptop whilst searching for pictures of Zac Efron dressed as Lieutenant Jim Dangle for Halloween to show a colleague.
- Dropped my burrito bowl from Chipotle on the floor, spilling half of its contents...
October 2011
3 posts
I will have nightmares because of this.
2 tags
Nick just asked me if I ever use the dumbbells...
1 tag
He was at Pet Supplies Plus
Nick: You know what I would never wear? A black sweatshirt with American flag colored Mickey Mouse ears.
Me: Annnnd that is why we are married.
September 2011
2 posts
2 tags
“Girrrrrl, you gotta be careful!”
– My mother, talking about me banging my head on my table.
August 2011
2 posts
“Me: Hey, wanna take a ride on the Detroit Princess with me?
Mika’il: No. Thank...”
– this is why I love my Starbucks friends!!!!! Booze cruise soon?
Yes. Please.
Sometimes I am texting, and I get super...
I used the letter “u” a few minutes ago in a text to my mom and immediately had to change it. I am not cool enough to use abbreviations in conversations with my mom.
July 2011
10 posts
WatchBARRY.
thedailywhat:
[sl-lost.]
2 tags
Still can't find the motivation to drop my...
I go to the page and just sit there, staring at the screen. Just going to go eat my feelings for a while.
Do you guys remember when I went off the crazy cat... →
I think I feel the most alone
when I am eating. Sitting by myself, in silence. Just thinking my thoughts.
That awkward moment
when you try to drop all of your fall classes because you are poor and your husband’s career’s future is bleak and that bleak future makes it extra hard to afford school, but you can’t do it because something inside of you feels like a failure? Yeahhhhh. Good. Times.
“It was mortal death time, in game box speak.”
– Narrator of an episode of Dateline.
It's a good thing that no one is investigating my...
— Irritable Bowel Syndrome
— Random episodes of Star Trek: TNG
— Morning-After Pills
— Queen Alexandria
Someone might think I am a weirdo or something.
May 2011
7 posts
2 tags
This time next week, I will be in paradise:
1 tag
Some of Arrested Development's Ten Commandments:
Thou shalt protect thy father, and honor no one above him unless it beith me—thy sweet lord.
Thou shalt not make up a name in vain.
Be true to thine own self, and to thine own self be true.
2 tags
I just tried to kill a spider with some sticky...
that I had on the first page of a textbook. While trying to get the sticky notes off, I ended up ripping the entire page out of the book.
Good luck returning The Legal Writing and Research Handbook, Krystal.
3 tags
“Florence + the Machine sang a song at the end of Dragon Age 2. It was as...”
– Nick, showcasing sarcasm at its best.
1 tag
4 tags
Example of How AJ is Hilarious:
Me: I wonder how many times Lady Gaga says "GAGA" on her new album. I am going to guess 1,000,00.
AJ: I am to put some definitive math out here, okay?
Me: Alright.
AJ: Gaga says gaga on her new album > Gwen Stefani spells her fashion line on both of her solo albums
3 tags
Here is another example of my marriage's reversal...
Today, I was assigned the task to purchase a Mother’s Day card and gift. Before I left the house today, Nick asked me twice: “You can do this, right? You just pick out a card and get flowers.”
“OF COURSE. YES I CAN DO THIS. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE. I GOT THIS. I will pick out a card that will make her cry tears of love.”
My super confidence failed once I was in the card...
April 2011
12 posts
2 tags
I am pretty overwhelmed (not just whelmed) with...
How I feel can be best articulated through this picture:
See y’all on May 7.
1 tag
Watch
1 tag
3 tags
My most recent Google searches:
Ice Cream Delivery
Joann Fabrics
Lady who performs dog concerts
“Our new vacuum is sent by the grace of god.”
– Nick
“Wait until you see this thing! You are going to be like, ‘Who made this?!...”
– Nick, talking about our new vacuum cleaner.